I've completed another 12 week training block. Wowza. Here we are. I retested all 3 lifts and managed PRs on all of them. Everything felt great, though I was hoping for a bigger jump on deadlift. I wanted 300 pounds so badly, but fell short.

New numbers:
- squat: 235 lbs - bench: 140 lbs - deadlift: 280 lbs

I'm not sure if it was the end of the 12 week block or a couple migraines or a combination of both things, but I was feeling kind of down after my deadlift retest. The question of "what next" is already becoming a heavy thought. I can easily run another 12 week block and just move my numbers forward again. Also thinking that a change could do me some good--a shorter block with more focus on growth. If I don't like it I can always switch it up/come back to the tried and true. Training for strength is absolutely wonderful. It's taught me so much and brought my mental game up exponentially. However, my body is really feeling all of the stress I have put on it over the past few years. I'm not a spring chicken to begin with. We will see what I decide. I have just under a week of light work/deload to reset my CNS and then it's time for something new.

So. I'm 4 months and some change out from my next projected powerlifting meet. And I'm frustrated.

I'm dealing with a reoccurring injury. This is the second time I've had to deal with a hip flexor strain on my right hip/upper quad. For the past week or so I've been working around it. I can't back squat heavy, and I can't do heavy deadlifts(especially sumo stance). I've been able to front squat, leg press, and do accessory work(good mornings, RDLS, etc).

I am a very, very stubborn person. I am my father's daughter. After his recent surgery, he was trying to cheat at using the walker to get around(a necessity for the first day or two). It was damn near impossible to tell him to take it easy. All this to say: I know where I get it from.

It's been really bothering me for the past handful of days. I've been trying not to go "too" hard in my training. That's always the plan when I write out the workout and arrive. But once I get going...sigh. It's hard to hold me back. It's difficult to take it easy. And I'm dealing with the consequences of that now I suppose. There is more pain when I walk, and some pain when I try to only focus on posterior chain exercises. For at least the next week, I'm going to have to do very minimal with my lower body. I won't rest it entirely because I'll be honest: I can't. I'll stick with lighter weight and more accessories, and I'll hammer upper body and back harder until I heal. That's the deal I strike with myself. I have plenty of time before competition, so I want to play it smart. Heal now, when there is time, instead of dragging this nagging injury with me for the next few months. But rest entirely? That's tough. I keep telling myself: at least it isn't my back or my hands or my neck. At least it's something I can work around and intentionally avoid.

I've started tracking my macros much more closely. I'm using an app, and sticking with it, even though some days I loathe entering in all my meals. At least now the apps are advanced enough to accept bar code scans. It's also a nice little trick to prevent myself from eating out more than I need to. I'm getting in the groove now so that when 2019 starts it will be easier to stick to a regimen. I'm probably going to have to cut weight for this meet, which is new for me. I'll try, at least. Side note: I eat soooo many eggs.

week 2 day 3

Many days in the gym are not magnificent. That is to say it is just showing up and putting in the work. Pushing limits where there seems to be a lack of space to do so. Dropping off bad moods at the door and shutting out the world. It's been my best practice at being present. The monumental moments truly aren't on max effort days. It's the in-between ones where consistency counts--when you come in, omit small talk, and do what needs to be done.

I decided to compete again next April. That gives me just under 5 months to train, which is downright luxurious. To show up and do well I would need a solid 12 week program, so I have plenty of time to build my muscle and add to my total. The wiggle room is nice. I'm adding a bit more cardio and some every training day things, such as AMRAP push ups or pull ups at the tail end. It is, currently, the worst part of the training day because I'm tired and spent and do not want to do them at all. But that's the point. Do it exhausted, build some endurance.

It's funny how deciding to compete again helped me regain my focus and excitement overall. I wasn't getting burnt out, but I was becoming distracted. Now there is something to aim for, so I'm building arrows in my quiver for a purpose. It's nice.

Today I woke up at 6am, on my day off, to get there and do what I needed to do. Workout included:
4x7 low bar squats @ 150
3x8 high bar squats @ 135 (tempo'd to focus on form)

3x4, 1x4+ overhead press
+40 reps dumbbell incline press
+28 deadbugs

3x20 tricep extension(behind head)
3x20 face pulls
3x20 tricep rope pulldowns
3x6 hanging leg raises
3x15 barbell curls

I'm in the beginning of this training block, so lots of hypertrophy to promote some growth. I know growth is happening because, ahem, I'm growing out of some of my shorts(again). Time to add new ones to the stock.

week 5 day 2 update, etc

Yesterday I finally found a pair of jeans that fit my growing legs. I wanted to cry when I put them on. Actually, I first found them a week ago but took an entire 7 days to convince myself to go ahead and buy them. My tendency to be Sir Cheapo is a tale for another time though.

Training is going very, very well. Today I finished day 2 of week 5. I'm just coming off a deload week so everything feels extra sharp and dialed in. I upped my RDLs to 40lb DBs as opposed to the usual 35's. Also added some weight to my sets of good mornings--I'll add another 5 to that total next week I think. I'm having fun testing my limits with side-things and accessory work. I also benched today and gave myself a new 7 rep max. I'm still fine tuning my form and technique on bench. I'm successful with my current one, and I'm comfortable with it which is important. However, I want to add in more yoga specific to my back flexibility. I can arch but it isn't super pronounced. Furthermore, comparing first rep to last of a set, I tend to lower out of it. That is to say the arch starts out super strong but weakens by the last rep. Is this due to losing tightness, or not driving totally with my legs? Don't know. I'm tempted to strip it all down after this training block and try some different things from scratch. Maybe I'll start with a couple backbends and wall-walks per day. Range of motion is so important for powerlifters--it's easy to forget.

Two other small additions to my training: cardio. I'm doing a steady amount on my rest days, and a little bit at the end on training days. Not a lot, but more than before. There is also playing soccer on my work league once a week, so there's more sweating. In tandem with this I've been cutting back on my caloric intake a bit. Not a big cut, but just a slight one to see if strength is maintained.

Lately I've been feeling really thankful for my own self-motivating habits and drive. I've talked to a few people in passing and found that it isn't as common as I thought, to be your own strongest driving force. I'm thankful that I've never been one to rely on others to get me to the gym, to keep me there. I do not need an audience or approval. If I want to learn how to do something, I do the research and give it a shot. Some people seem so hesitant to try, and/or so easily pushed off their consistency game. I think a lot of it is fear. Some of it is laziness, not wanting it bad enough, and/or wanting instant results. Lifting and strength is a long game, a progression. Some people don't like that or understand it.

All this to say that sometimes I get caught up in exactly how strong I am vs how strong I would like to be(or can be because, y'know, genetics). In doing that I end up overlooking my strengths outside of just simply being strong. I'm determined. I'm driven. I'm self-motivated, consistent, and I work my ass off. Feeling very fortunate and grateful for those traits these days.

strength program week 12: squats

Yesterday I started my final week of the strength program, which involves retesting my 1 rep max for all 3 lifts. Due to traveling next week, I had to move things forward and around a bit. Yesterday I went for my 1 rep max on squat.

The gym was fairly empty and I was feeling pretty good. No crazy soreness, had a rest day on Friday, plenty of creatine and 1 pop tart sitting next to me, ready to go. I took my usual 15 pound jumps between attempts all the way to 175. From there I alternated between 10 and 5 pounds. I hit my previous max with no issue--the first time I've squatted that much since the meet in April.

I forced myself to take longer rests as the numbers went up into unfamiliar territory. This was hard to do because I was getting excited. I wanted to hurry up and get a new number. At 205 I peeled my armband off and removed the headphones. It was an unnecessary distraction. I gave my quads a hard slap, breathed hard into the belt, and went for it.

I ended the lift session at 220, 15 pounds over my all time max on squat. Stoked is too small of a word--I couldn't believe it. I am 5 pounds shy of two 45 plates on either side of the bar. I'm sitting higher than I thought I would at this point--Meg's program works, and it was such a worthy investment. I'm really, really impressed and excited about how yesterday went.

Overall, the squat layout for this program was fairly brutal, but doable. I think incorporating the high bar back squats helped me lock in my form--I really learned how to keep the upper back tight and keep the chest up throughout the entire motion. I did miss doing front squats, and I'm thinking I might write those in for myself over the next 12 weeks. I'm going to do another run of Meg's program, but push the numbers up to match my current level of strength.

I never, ever thought I would be at 220 right now. I was at 205 in April, and felt elated to simply be just over 200 lbs. That was a goal for quite some time. My warmup is solid, my form is exquisite--I'm really, really proud of myself. I've put in the work every week for 12 weeks. Powerlifting is a special kind of amazing--I've been doing this for over 2 years now and I still find room to learn something this far in.

More soon. I think I'm retesting my one rep max on bench today. Soccer tomorrow, deadlift probably Tuesday.

halfway

I am officially halfway through my new 12 week program. I followed my own program for the last training cycle--this time I wanted to try something a little bit different. As an early birthday present, someone dear paid for me to have Meg of megsquats design a program for me--a service offered for a decent, doable price. Some pros and elite lifters offer this type of thing--designing strength and/or nutrition program for anyone willing to pay. Truth is a lot of these services are pricey(and, for the most part, rightly so).

I'm extremely happy with the results from this program thus far. Workouts are exciting and much more challenging. I do like accountability when it comes to hard work, and following a program written for me offers that perfectly. This time if I try to cut a corner, I feel like I'm letting down more than just myself. Creating it took time and effort, as well as money. I will not be attempting any 1 rep maxes until the very end, but I'm already seeing an increase in rep max and strength. Every week of the cycles steadily increases the effort.


my gorgeously ripped hands
So far my biggest improvement is on deadlift. I've learned better cues for the initial lift off the floor in sumo position, which has made such a difference in execution. The best cues: start the pull by pulling all tension out of the bar(listen for the clank noise of barbell hitting the top in the plate holes), and initiate with the legs. Firing in the legs first instead of putting it all on the back helps with patience in the pull, and I'm much more likely to get the weight successfully off the floor by pulling legs first. Game changer. This, and finally understanding the movement of pulling hips forward into lockout position. I can tell the difference between pulling forward and not--when I don't, it's much harder to complete the movement. Sometimes lifting is hilarious when you consider all the cues one should remember for a seemingly simple movement. Tension out of bar, fire lats, big breath expanding on all sides, fire first with legs, snap hips forward. I cannot wait to see where my final numbers are for a 1 rep max.

The other great thing about this program is that my weekly split is vastly different, allowing me to be much less beat up at the end of it. I train the program 4 times a week instead of 6, which allows for heavier effort/more rest. 4 days instead of 6 means I no longer have that sense of overbearing obligation or having to drag myself to the gym. Four is enough room to look forward to it every single time. I'm no longer dedicating one day to legs, one to chest, one to back, etc. This program mixes things up so everything is getting some work. Every training day involves doing bro stuff aka accessory work at the end, and every action goes to support the three main lifts. Every session also involves a giant set near the end(generally performing 3 or more exercises for one muscle group in succession). This is a special kind of brutal every time, and I love it. I sweat more with this program than I ever did with my own.

My overall muscle size, strength, and endurance has increased. Most of my shorts now protest against my leg size, which is its own brand of hilarious and frustration. I'm so excited to see what gains will be made in the next six weeks. Having a program written for me by a professional was money well spent.

Sidenote: I hope to update this space more. The longer I lift, the more things I notice, the more things I want to say. Things about common gym etiquette, sexual harassment, making friends, training with purpose. More soon.

7 to go

For some reason, things are clicking this week. Every training session has been nothing short of brilliant. I took a deload week and I think that break from heavy lifting also helped clear the proverbial weight in my head. It's true: deload weeks help reset the central nervous system. And boy howdy was in need of that.

I'm just over 7 weeks out from my meet, and I've fallen in love with every inch of this process. My body is tired. The muscles in my legs frequently spasm as I lay in bed at night, trying to go to sleep. I've grown used to their little jumps, will point it out to my partner occasionally. The skin jumps and sinks in quickly, little blinks. I love how solid my lifts have become, how heavy the weight. Nowadays I also like eating two lunches, drinking protein shakes, scooping out tiny lumps of creatine. There is ritual and beauty to it. There is also really hard work. Going to the gym when I don't feel well. Going when I'd rather get something else done, or nothing done in particular. Shit, sometimes I want to simply do nothing. My diet is a carousel of sameness: chicken breast, tuna, rice, spinach, sweet potatoes, eggs. Holy crap can I put some eggs away. I eat at least 3 a day.

But this is a commitment, and commitment often requires a certain amount of sacrifice. I feel really good about it. I'm still very nervous about April, but I know it's coming and I will be ready.

I want to remember this part of it. The not so great days and the incredible weeks where it all comes together and I hit my numbers. I want to remember the drives home from the workouts, always exhausted and a grin slapped on my face. The little moments between the big ones. The coworkers that make fun of me for "eating weird," when really all I do is eat healthy. The night I first tried on my singlet and never, ever wanted to take it off.

It's one fantastic, slightly ludicrous ride. More soon.

goal in progress

It's fairly well established at this point that I am terrible at updating regularly. I always intend to, but before I know it the days turn into weeks then into months. As more time passes, there is more to say yet I'm never sure where to start. I guess we will just jump in here.

On January 1st I sent in my money and officially registered for a powerlifting meet in April. No turning back now. I was more excitement than nerves until I started reading the meet rules and imagined how the day would go...that's when my hands started getting sweaty and I felt the need to go to the restroom. Ah, the nerves. They finally showed up.

I'm training smart and training hard. I've managed to avoid the hell that is the flu this year(knock on all the wood things, as the winter ain't quite done with us yet), but I did get a week long viral thing, and I'm currently getting well from a nasty cold that lasted just under a week. I fought the urge to return to training early, giving myself a day more rest than I wanted to. Time is precious, and I can't afford to be stupid about it. Better to take the extra rest as opposed to returning too early and staying down longer. As simple as these type of decisions might seem, I struggle with them. I'm stubborn to say the least.

The biggest change is that I've started benching twice a week. I squat twice, bench twice, and deadlift once. My accessory work has changed as well--I do what supports those three main lifts, and trimmed the fat that I could. The second bench day replaced my overhead press--I now do OHP on occasion instead of dedicating an entire session to it. I pummel shoulders with incline bench, lat raises, etc. Adding to my bench volume has made a significant difference in overall execution and the amount of weight I can press. As a matter of fact, I beat my old bench press max today by 3 reps. Totally unexpected, but a big victory for me. To me, it feels like a victory when I gain evidence that my programming is working. It gets a little harder to obtain those milestones the longer you lift--I'm a long way off from those beginner gains. The rep pr is quite nice, but my focus has been more on maintaining form lately.

There's still a lot of volume being done. I finish with heavier reps in the 1-3 range, mainly to lock in that form. As time crawls closer to meet date, I'm also doing more pause bench and squatting with commands--I am hellbent on having all white lights for my attempts. The more I can lock that into my training, the better accustomed I will be to it when it's time to compete. It's a nice new challenge to factor in, keeping me on my toes.

My hands are shredded. My body is often sore in one way or another. When I lay in bed at night, my quad muscles occasionally jump without provoking. But I love it. I love it so much. When I've had a rotten day, the gym is my sanctuary. Hell, when I have a great day I still look forward to my sessions--it makes the great days even better. I'm happy. I'm hungry. I'm working hard on the goal in front of me and that makes all the difference.

new goals

The weekend before last I attended my first ever powerlifting meet(USPA). I've been watching videos, following lifters, and reading everything I can about what goes into competing. I felt as informed as a spectator could get. Still, attending took my knowledge to an entirely new level and, more than that, a spark was ignited. I've been lifting for about two years now, and during that time I've done it for fun and therapy. I didn't give serious thought to competing.

Until now.

I have my eye on two USPA meets in April 2018. My plan is to register for one of them. There are a few in November but I want to give myself plenty of time to prepare. April it is. Since then, I've acquired a copy of the rule book(all 52 pages), and I'm devouring it. I think this decision to put all my work to actual use has been in the works for a while...going to an actual meet confirmed this. I can do it. I have no doubt in my mind that I can do it. I want my first official Wilks total. I keep track of my numbers and progression diligently--I'm confident that I can program for my first meet successfully. It would be an added bonus to have an actual coach, but since it's my first meet I'm not going to create additional pressure.

Since the meet, my training has shifted, both mentally and physically. Physically, I'm obsessing more over form and cue. Lifting in a meet is different than a typical training session--deadlift, squat, and bench involved cues for the competition lifts. Bench requires the most, I think. A competition bench requires a pause with the bar at chest before receiving the cue to "press." In a typical training session, there is a very brief pause at chest level, if one at all. I've started to incorporate this cue into my warm ups, and on my first attempt for each increasing set. I'm making sure I have good form across the entire set before moving onto the harder one.

Mentally, it's game on. The brain, the gut, the heart--all three are on fire now. There is a more precise motivation to get it right, not just to get it done. I'm paying more attention to how I approach the bar, not just getting under it as quickly as possible. I'm filming lifts more as well--form, form, form. If it's sloppy, I can play it back, make note of it and correct it. It's no longer just therapy. It's no longer just work. There's a new hunger attached to it.

I'm incorporating the three lifts into my weeks more--instead of deadlifting and benching once a week, I've increased it to twice a week. More practice, better form. Better form means moving heavier weights. Honestly, this increase has left me much more tired than usual. It's a good tired though--one of accomplishment. I've also started removing my gloves halfway through the majority of my workouts so that I can get used to a bare grip on the bar. I won't be using them in April, so I need to start the weaning process now. This is another thing that you can file under improvement but it also sucks. My hands are tender. The plus side is that every grip feels more purposeful. Increased grip strength has helped my confidence grow, especially in regards to my left hand. My left hand has always been a little weaker than my right.

I'm hoping to chart more of my progress and work in this space as I get closer to competition. I'm pretty damn excited. My bench total is moving, my deadlift total is moving, and I'm nearly ready to retest my squat, which I estimate is comfortably over the 200 mark. Onward and upward.

progression

Triceps have been a weak point for me. The picture on the left is from February 2017. The one on the right is from June 2017. I'm due to update my progress again(next week hopefully). For growth: close-grip bench press, skull crushers, increase in rope and bar pulldowns, and dips. Nothing too fancy, just a renewed desire to improve and go heavier.