I've completed another 12 week training block. Wowza. Here we are. I retested all 3 lifts and managed PRs on all of them. Everything felt great, though I was hoping for a bigger jump on deadlift. I wanted 300 pounds so badly, but fell short.

New numbers:
- squat: 235 lbs - bench: 140 lbs - deadlift: 280 lbs

I'm not sure if it was the end of the 12 week block or a couple migraines or a combination of both things, but I was feeling kind of down after my deadlift retest. The question of "what next" is already becoming a heavy thought. I can easily run another 12 week block and just move my numbers forward again. Also thinking that a change could do me some good--a shorter block with more focus on growth. If I don't like it I can always switch it up/come back to the tried and true. Training for strength is absolutely wonderful. It's taught me so much and brought my mental game up exponentially. However, my body is really feeling all of the stress I have put on it over the past few years. I'm not a spring chicken to begin with. We will see what I decide. I have just under a week of light work/deload to reset my CNS and then it's time for something new.

week 2 day 3

Many days in the gym are not magnificent. That is to say it is just showing up and putting in the work. Pushing limits where there seems to be a lack of space to do so. Dropping off bad moods at the door and shutting out the world. It's been my best practice at being present. The monumental moments truly aren't on max effort days. It's the in-between ones where consistency counts--when you come in, omit small talk, and do what needs to be done.

I decided to compete again next April. That gives me just under 5 months to train, which is downright luxurious. To show up and do well I would need a solid 12 week program, so I have plenty of time to build my muscle and add to my total. The wiggle room is nice. I'm adding a bit more cardio and some every training day things, such as AMRAP push ups or pull ups at the tail end. It is, currently, the worst part of the training day because I'm tired and spent and do not want to do them at all. But that's the point. Do it exhausted, build some endurance.

It's funny how deciding to compete again helped me regain my focus and excitement overall. I wasn't getting burnt out, but I was becoming distracted. Now there is something to aim for, so I'm building arrows in my quiver for a purpose. It's nice.

Today I woke up at 6am, on my day off, to get there and do what I needed to do. Workout included:
4x7 low bar squats @ 150
3x8 high bar squats @ 135 (tempo'd to focus on form)

3x4, 1x4+ overhead press
+40 reps dumbbell incline press
+28 deadbugs

3x20 tricep extension(behind head)
3x20 face pulls
3x20 tricep rope pulldowns
3x6 hanging leg raises
3x15 barbell curls

I'm in the beginning of this training block, so lots of hypertrophy to promote some growth. I know growth is happening because, ahem, I'm growing out of some of my shorts(again). Time to add new ones to the stock.

new max, what's next?

On Saturday I retested my one rep max on back squat. Initially, my hope was to retest all three lifts, but I was on a tight schedule. Retesting takes time--it takes time to warm up, time in between as the numbers climb. Oh, the patience.

So. I only needed a spot for the very last attempt. I asked my buddy Nate, who was just about to start pedaling the assault bike. I locked in my shoulders, braced my core, then started my descent. All I could think was knees forward, get back up. And I did. It was a grinder in the end, but max attempts should be. Finally. Two plates on either end of the bar! 225lbs. That's a 20lb increase from mid-April of this year. I'm extremely happy with that, and motivated to keep growing over the winter.

What's next? I'm planning on running the 12 week program template again, with some changes to the exercises to shake up the muscle memory a bit. Also implementing a bit more cardio, and continuing to dial in the diet. This is the anxious part of the journey for me--one training block is ending, and another one is ahead. I can implement any changes I want, but in doing so I hope to commit myself to them for at least a few months. My cardio of choice lately is 100's--10 sets of 10 reps for various exercises. Right now it's just challenging enough to make me hate myself halfway through(and those are usually the best workouts).

My gym has also offered to let me teach a spin class, and I've been working on a setlist for a workout. So much planning goes into it, and I wish I had more time. Perhaps I'll use more of my rest days for that. Overall, things are wonderful and feeling promising.

Was honestly hoping to write more here tonight, but dealing with a tooth ache(root canal is Tuesday thank goodness) and would rather get some more rest than type. Until again.

strength program week 12: squats

Yesterday I started my final week of the strength program, which involves retesting my 1 rep max for all 3 lifts. Due to traveling next week, I had to move things forward and around a bit. Yesterday I went for my 1 rep max on squat.

The gym was fairly empty and I was feeling pretty good. No crazy soreness, had a rest day on Friday, plenty of creatine and 1 pop tart sitting next to me, ready to go. I took my usual 15 pound jumps between attempts all the way to 175. From there I alternated between 10 and 5 pounds. I hit my previous max with no issue--the first time I've squatted that much since the meet in April.

I forced myself to take longer rests as the numbers went up into unfamiliar territory. This was hard to do because I was getting excited. I wanted to hurry up and get a new number. At 205 I peeled my armband off and removed the headphones. It was an unnecessary distraction. I gave my quads a hard slap, breathed hard into the belt, and went for it.

I ended the lift session at 220, 15 pounds over my all time max on squat. Stoked is too small of a word--I couldn't believe it. I am 5 pounds shy of two 45 plates on either side of the bar. I'm sitting higher than I thought I would at this point--Meg's program works, and it was such a worthy investment. I'm really, really impressed and excited about how yesterday went.

Overall, the squat layout for this program was fairly brutal, but doable. I think incorporating the high bar back squats helped me lock in my form--I really learned how to keep the upper back tight and keep the chest up throughout the entire motion. I did miss doing front squats, and I'm thinking I might write those in for myself over the next 12 weeks. I'm going to do another run of Meg's program, but push the numbers up to match my current level of strength.

I never, ever thought I would be at 220 right now. I was at 205 in April, and felt elated to simply be just over 200 lbs. That was a goal for quite some time. My warmup is solid, my form is exquisite--I'm really, really proud of myself. I've put in the work every week for 12 weeks. Powerlifting is a special kind of amazing--I've been doing this for over 2 years now and I still find room to learn something this far in.

More soon. I think I'm retesting my one rep max on bench today. Soccer tomorrow, deadlift probably Tuesday.

april meet recap

It's been just over one month since my powerlifting meet. I sat down, quite a few times, to write about it in this space, but would only get as far as saving a draft of a day half-described. Maybe my thoughts on it felt incomplete, or maybe life just grew too busy(truly both, let's be honest).

I cannot describe my nerves going into the weigh-in day before--that kind of anxious that numbs your body from the hips up. The kind that makes you babble about any and everything, to the amusement or annoyance of everyone with me. The meet was only 20 minutes outside of Pittsburgh, but I restricted myself from almost all social events prior to the meet. I was worried about getting my rest, staying migraine free, eating the wrong thing. On the day of the meet, I was up at 6am, awakened by my cell phone alarm and the beautiful smell of fresh coffee. We stayed with my friend Joe who was kind enough to preset the brew, knowing I'd need it.

I quickly ate a small container of oats and yogurt, a small bagel. Packed the rest of my snacks for the day--the container of Pedialyte, jug of water, my weightlifting shoes, belt, phone, music, towel, baby powder. Items from a list I wrote weeks ago and meticulously checked off before departure. All that was left to do was lift the damn weights.

Once the rules were stated to all of the lifters, things moved fairly quickly. Warm up was a little chaotic--two areas with many, many competitors waiting their turn. The monolift took some getting used to--I didn't have to worry about the walkout, which allowed me to conserve an extra sliver of energy. Every crumb of it counts on a day like that.

I was first to lift in my flight, and as soon as my hands wrapped around the squat bar, I heard the beginning of "Ice Ice Baby" start to play over the speakers. Oh boy here we go. Squat came and went--I made all of my lifts. I jumped on the last one to match my all time personal best. A thought formed in my head: I had nothing to compare this experience to, therefore I had nothing to lose. I could roll with that. I could take some risks. We went outside and I demolished some rotisserie chicken and looked onward to bench.

Bench is my "worst" lift, as in my weakest of the three. Warm up felt okay, but rushed due to the sheer amount of us trying to get our reps in. Everyone says to focus on making competition day as close to a training day as possible, but they easily felt light years apart. During competition there are extended periods of rest, followed by a flurry of getting warmed up which dominoes into the actual lifts(which go rather quickly themselves). Training can be a lot of "wait until you're ready." Competition is more of the "you better be ready when it's time" scenario.

My actual bench attempts felt great so I took another big jump on the last one--10 pounds, giving me an all time personal best. The lift was a grinder--the rule for bench is that once you start pressing, the bar cannot start descending--that will be a no lift. Halfway up my press the bar wouldn't budge, and I refused to let it drop until that sucker was fully extended and complete. 3 white lights, good lift. Probably my most exciting lift of the meet. Afteward, J told me that's when he realized I was not there to play around. The look in your eye when you decided to go for it, he said.

I drank diluted Pedialyte for the duration of the meet--I was pretty damn tired by the time deadlifts rolled around. I was also getting more irritated and therefore more assertive with the warm up area situation. Deadlift is a fickle beast. Some days the bar feels incredibly light, and other days 200+ pounds feels more like a ton. Technique, proper position is everything. I warmed up to just over 200 and then let myself relax. It's too easy to blow it all on warm up and I felt fairly cashed already.

Deadlift pulls felt like butter. There's nothing like moving heavy weight and moving it well. I made another big jump on my last lift--I was going to use every last bit of energy I had, so why not go all out? The lift was good and I hit another all time personal record.

In summary, my goals were accomplished and surpassed. I went 9 for 9(all of my lifts were good), matched one all time PR(squat) and obtained two new ones(bench, deadlift). I was first in my division. I was the lightest(weightwise) and oldest woman competing, which gave me a bit of pride. The meet lasted just over 8 hours.

Listen. There were days I showed up to the gym and felt like I was simply going through the motions. Days when I did not want to be there. Days that I didn't want to be anywhere else. Days when I left in tears because I couldn't hit an easy number. 99% of the time I went and lifted alone, and sometimes the loneliness sucked. I had to say no to a social life, to staying up late, to junk food. Tuna and rice, tuna and rice, over and over again. Every inch of my body has ached at some point or another. I listened to so much old school hip hop, punk, cuban music, silence. Over time I grew the courage to talk about my goals with strangers at the gym. I formed friendships in between sets. I bruised and bloodied myself--ripped the skin off my palms multiple times. It grew back thicker and thicker. When I started out, my father would offer with caution "be careful, don't overdo it," but as competition day grew closer he started to ask me about my max numbers, telling me a little wistfully that he wishes he could be there to see it. I sent him videos of all my lifts and he's still showing them proudly to random people.

I was so fucking proud of myself, and still am. I decided to compete, and I worked hard for months to get ready. And I did it. I showed up and I lifted and did my best. I put in the work. I put in the effort. I loved all of it. I love the lifting community--the excitement, the camaraderie, the absurdity of all these incredibly strong folks in singlets with chalk on their thighs and hands and delts. It was incredible to think how every person there spent countless hours preparing--you can explain it to outsiders but unless you do it yourself, outsiders will have a hard time understanding. The very why of it baffles people. Why not?

I managed a full four days of rest(the most I've had in 4+ months in a row) before I was right back in the rack. This time a little more wild-eyed, a little more certain, much more hopeful and hungry.

hypertrophy, week 7

- I am back in the land of high volume. On glute day I hit 8,000+ lbs of volume on back squat alone.

- I love how high volume has tested my discipline. I write almost all of my workouts down before I get to the gym, and I do my damnedest to stick to the plan. Sometimes I have to scale it back or improvise in the moment(if, say, I had a long day at work and I’m not feeling well), but I love the satisfaction I get from setting the bar and climbing to reach it. There are times when I am on my third or fourth set of squats and I try to con myself out of doing less reps on the ones to follow. I’ve grown to be quite good at telling that naysayer within to shut up though. I’m not really into selling myself short anymore.

- The loads are getting heavier, the lifts are getting harder, thus the DOMs(delayed onset muscle soreness aka hurting the day after the workout) are raging these days. I’m trying to stay consistent with my yoga/range of motion stretches, because it does help a lot. I need to foam roll more. Due to continuously overloading(progressive overload IS the key here) I find myself more tired and in need of more recovery post-lifting. I think I’m going to have to restructure my rest days vs working days to support the increasing workload.

- For squats, I switched from high bar to low bar. This means the bar placement on my back has changed from high(the bottom of my neck) to low (base of my traps). Instead of keeping my hands wide on the bar, I pin them in against my body, aiming my elbows down instead of winging out backwards. It took me a few sessions to get used to, but now I can’t imagine having my arms wide again. Keeping the arms pinned in helps me keep my chest up, and I can “pull” the barbell across my back and create a better “shelf” for the bar(think I used enough quotes?). Overall, it results in better form.

- I also end up like this when I pack my gym clothes in the dark of 5am:

at least I was kiiiiiiiiinda close

My bench press is finally climbling. I've been teetering around the same number on bench for nearly a year. In the winter I started over completely--I wanted to improve my form because it was fairly hideous. Hypertrophy work(lots of reps) has helped me lock in form and increase my confidence under the bar. That confidence is everything. Next thing to accomplish on bench: stop hesitating to ask someone for a spot. I need to push myself and I think not having a spotter keeps me in a comfort zone. No more comfort zone.

I'm going to purchase a food scale this month. I follow a fairly regimented diet and steer clear of junk. I'm a laissez-faire macro counter. The scale is going to help me keep better track--I'd like to bulk/increase my size a little. It's pretty much eggs/carbs for breakfast, rice, tuna, veg for lunch and occasionally the same thing for dinner(or udon noodles, and maybe chicken since I do eat that again now). Fairly boring from the outside, perhaps. No complaints here though. Special thanks to sesame oil, nutritional yeast, and hot sauce.

update! strength block, retest, new max, onward

Long time, no post. Apologies for that. I'm not even sure if anyone reads this part of my blog, so if anything apologies to myself for not archiving this shit better. Granted, I am dedicated to tracking all of my lifts so that I can properly progressively overload, but still. This space needs love too.

And now, onto the things.

I successfully completed a strength block. This block lasted roughly 4-5 weeks, with a retest at the end of it. A strength block means lower volume, heavier lifts. I kept most of my accessory work in the high rep range, but made a conscious effort to push myself on the amount I was pulling/pushing. My bench progress stalled out during strength, which kind of sucks, but to be honest I'm over it. I'm okay with bench press remaining my weakest lift of the three major ones. I'm sure this is partially to the times I've failed lifts and couldn't get the bar off my chest. For me, that's scarier than missing a squat or not being able to pull a deadlift. Being physically under the bar face-up is already daunting. 98% of the time I lift without a spotter. I've learned to leave the clips off the bar when I bench--this way, if I do need to bail, I can easily tilt the bar in one direction to slide the weights off. Haven't had to do that just yet, but it's important to lift smarter before going heavier.

I slowly progressed my weight on squats and deads until I felt ready to retest. A retest means you are intentionally going for a (hopefully new) 1 rep max. Initially I wanted to retest all 3 main lifts, but due to varying circumstances I only retested my squat for this cycle. I've started a new program specifically to increase my deadlift(thanks to megsquats for the free program), so I wanted to wait on that one, and my bench(as noted earlier) is kind of stalled at 100/105. In this cycle I will finally retest my max on that, but for now I'm focusing on slow increases and solid form.

Retest day was super exciting for me. I went to work that morning already in dork-mode, visualizing my warm up and thinking about how much I wanted to shatter my old maximum number of 185 lbs. I ate smart for breakfast and lunch, and even added in an extra poptart with my afternoon coffee before driving to the gym. I ended up taking large jumps with my warm up sets--it's hard to make the body instantly attempt a new max without a climb to it. I started with a few reps of 145 and hopped to 155, then 165, 175, 180, then 185. Then I slid plates on to attempt a new max.


190.

I hit pause on Spotify and slid my armband off, not wanting any distractions. There was a little voice in my head, an annoying one, that said "hey it's okay if you don't hit this. No one will care. No big deal. Shit, don't even try." This thought was tiny but neon in my brain. I am, however, my father's daughter and stubborn might as well be stenciled on my forehead. Having that little voice around made me want it even more. I was going to do more than try. I was going to lift that shit.

So I did. On my back, down and up. 190 pounds. In the moment, I know I could've grinded out 195, but I was so over the moon about 190 that I stopped there. My goal has been 200 for months now, and I'm ten pounds from it. Easy. I was so excited that I immediately texted various friends and my sister. I was grinning for the duration of the drive home.

After my retest, I jumped right back into hypertrophy. I'm not on week 3 of this new cycle. I've moved the chains--doing high reps of heavier weight than my last high volume cycle, which is the point. Progressive overload. I think this one will be 8 weeks, maybe 10. Then another strength block, then another retest. I'm enjoying the hell out of this process. That's what matters above all else. Of course I want to progress, want the numbers to increase, want the gains to continue. But what's the point if it isn't fun? It requires commitment and I try my damnedest to make every session worth the sacrifice of time and effort. So far, so great.

brief babble on hypertrophy, start of week 5

Today I started week 5 of my hypertrophy block. I'm getting to that slightly insane part of training where everything almost always hurts--not in a bad way, but DOMS for days. I've slowly been increasing my volume with each week--if the volume were an actual knob on a stereo we would be just a few decibels shy of 11.



Squats are nearing a brutal point. Late last week I hit a new 8 rep pr on back squat, and this week I set a new pr to beat that one. I've started incorporating pause squats(the pause is just above horizontal to increase power pushing out of the hole) in hopes of getting a little break amongst all that volume. Ha, break my ass.

I love the absurd mental game one has to indulge in during a high volume workout. During set up I'll nod to myself before that heave upwards to take the bar completely on my back. The nod is kind of involuntary. My brain and body check in with each other, find agreement, and then we go. I'm also visualizing a lot more, which is starting to help me strengthen my left side. Since I am right-dominant, my left side is naturally a bit weaker--something I've been working on correcting for some time now. It's too easy to go through the motions, mentally check out, and let my right side handle most of the work. Staying present and picturing the muscles at work really helps me balance the load from right to left. Higher volume is helping me lock in good form, which is going to be oh so necessary once the strength block starts. I want those 1 rep max prs. I want them bad.

At this point in my hypertrophy block, I mentally struggle with the last set. There is a moment where I am tempted to cut it short, skip the final set of reps completely. Over the past week, I've been combating this impulse with some trainer treatment. Almost always, I train alone, but sometimes I wouldn't mind having someone rooting for me to suck it up and attack the last set, or someone barking a countdown next to me for that last push. Even after all this time I could use a kick in the tookus now and then. My solution is to turn the "maybe I'll skip this one" thought in my head into that of a trainer--the voice I need to tell me to go on and do it, pull my shit together and make it count. A time or two I've muttered "one more Nik" under my breath before tackling the last set. The best feeling is finishing the one I initially wanted to skip out on. The completion is incredibly satisfying. I need that motivation at this point in my training--each workout is harder than the last. Sure I'm incredibly sore, but I'm also pretty damn content.