12 days

Yesterday, I fell asleep sitting up on the couch at 9am. The cup mostly full of coffee that was being held in my lap slowly drifted to the left with loosened grip. The elixir drenching not only myself but the couch is what brought me to again.

Whoops. Mama is tired.

Let that be the understatement of the year. I'm not sure how to even begin to describe my current physical and mental being. Prepared, but exhausted. For months, the entire thing was for certain--I signed up, sent in the entry fee, procured my singlet and got to work in the gym. For months I did real, tangible things to make this goal attainable. But now as the actual day of competition rounds the corner I look back and see that most of it felt fictitious. Like some far off maybe-thing that would happen but not for a long, long time. A long, long time goes fairly quick sometimes.

Today I bought a tiny tshirt to wear under my singlet, and last night I drafted/wrote down my attempts for all three lifts. Those two things felt like the final big two on my list of stuff to get done. I have to pack my bag, get my snacks/plan lunch for the day of, and get there. That's it. I have one more week of hard work in the gym with lifts practiced in my singlet so I can get used to its constrictive nature.

Being a creature who likes to study, I've read numerous articles and forums on peak week and meet prep. I am at the point in the journey where there isn't much left to do but relax, have fun, and lift my ass off. That's what all the advice offers, in the end--have fun. Don't cut weight, don't make your first attempt too farfetched, and have fun. Enjoy. I want to remember that word from now until the day of is done. I've worked so very hard, and it hasn't all been pleasure. Some of it has straight up sucked. I don't want my meet to feel like that. I have some worries, some stress--I worry about how I will feel the day of. As someone with chronic migraines, pain is always in the back of my mind, a potential that I have to consider. I can avoid all my triggers and still get hit with one(especially with the timing of my cycle). I consider the possibility, but I won't let the potential threat dictate how I go into this competition. I don't want to go into it with dread calling the shots. I'm nervous about making lifts in front of so many people. I know I can do it. I will be in an environment where, competition or not, everyone wants you to succeed.

I am going to focus on each of my final peak sessions this week, one by one. I'm going to approach each lift with the knowledge, the steadfast belief, that I can and will succeed. The lifts will be clean, the form well executed. I will walk into the gym each day hungry, as I have been doing all of these months. I will believe in my ability and I will have a fucking blast doing it.

Now, to daydream about what snacks to pack...